I’M BACK

and currently working on the best garage playlist ever. 

Unfortunately Spotify does not understand the importance of UK garage and its chat in this area is weak. Cue reams of youtube vids, but then again might give you the full feeling.

Its been a year of dancing, moving and thinking. But who gives a fuck, summer’s here. P.s. that’s here in our hearts not here out the window.. DON’T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

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Here’s my piece for the Guardian

(that I didn’t submit and that didn’t get published)

The best music biopic (in my opinion) has got to be The Karen Carpenter Story. Now don’t let the fact that it’s a made for TV movie fool you! Take a smalltown girl with a natural talent and oh hiya, a brother with natural talent! Early on Karen’s thoughts about food are outlined because lets face it, NO ONE KNOWS WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN. Before we know it they’re top of the charts and singing their way to Tokyo and back with a kimono Agnes hates. Despite its sad ending, theres something about the soft focus and fresh faced actors that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Karen pumping iron in her fringed sweat jumper. Richard grey eyed staring at the TV set. Agnes’ frankly beautiful hair. The subject matter of this film is about as wholesome as tesco value thick sliced white, it won’t even touch the sides, and that’s why I love it. That and the fact they haven’t included Jambalaya. Probably for the best.

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Maximum Dressings

I’ve been longing (geddit?) for a maxi dress for ages. It seemed like with this magical piece of robe all my clothing problems would be solved. Oh how right I was…

The morning of the first go I spent half the time picking something to wear than I usually do as the maxi dress is half the clothes needed. I find this amazing, and it kind of made me want to wear maxi dresses all the time.

Needless to say I transferred this spare time not to making a sarnie for breakfast (starved till lunchtime then had lasagne), but to picking a pair of shoes to wear with it.

Its a bit narrow which makes it hard to walk in, but thats made up by it riding up to a midi level dress which means its doubling up! Yes that means I purchased 2 dresses for £6. Later found out it can go higher than the knee, but I’m not sure I’m on board with that.

Obviously, Britain being Britain and sods law etc, I dressed warmly and it then got hot and sunny. I wasn’t overheated just from being outside, but some heat decided to hide inside my dress and suddenly release itself the moment I sat down indoors.

All in all I am in love with my maxi dress, and at one point yesterday considered editing all my clothes to maxi dress format. Much in the same way as being 14 and editing all your jeans have to have a flare bigger than your waistline.

This post is from my tumblr Robin Gif’d Me A Dog, which is now dedicated to dog gifs @robin_bruce sends me.

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Mock Duck day 2011

So it happened. We bought a can of mock duck. We opened it. We put it in our mouths. Tastiness ensued.

Yes the mock duck tasted good*. Look at our faces, that is a look of succulence.

We are The Holy Trinity.

We thought the flavour might be further improved by frying it. You know, like normal duck. I’ll take mine rare please chef!

Duckhenge

Somehow cooking it made it more gelatinous. Loads more chewy. And the skin did not crisp up for some strange reason! Fancy that hey!

It was a wretch enducing substance. Moreso because of the consistency they tried (and failed) to imitate. If it was just duck flavoured soy this would be much more of an improvement. Soy duck brick.

Kids love the scent of mock duck.

Would I eat it again? Hell. To the fucking no.
Would I make it for Come Dine With me? Yes but not as a duck substitute. Probably for.. erm… ok fine. No.
Would I serve it to a child? Yes, and get them to develop a taste for it somehow. Then watch the ridicule they’d get as they got older and older and always had to have a can of mock duck  on them.
Overall score: minus 1 duck/10

*Read: absolutely fucking horrible. Like rubber quorn soaked in shit vegetable stock.

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I feel like the angle of his glasses today


Kind of. Ok, I just needed an excuse to post this video. HOW TASTY IS IT.  He does not give an excuse for eating canned chicken, he needs an excuse. In the name of love, science, whatever. Oh or money.

The can is big but. Its a chicken, inside a can. Inside. A can. A chicken. In a can. How does that even happen? Do they bind it first like an oriental foot?

The other week we tried mock duck which was bad enough, and it wasn’t even real meat. I imagine this would taste like foot boiled in a pressure cooker.

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Pumpkin pie

Here is the recipe for pumpkin pie, incase you did not know it


I’ve just eaten this, its interesting. I imagine the recipe is left over from the war, since its a random fruit (seeds yeah?) that isn’t particularly sweet, spiced up to not resemble a pumpkin at all. It came with cream on the top. A nice Canadian lady in my office made it. I asked for a small piece and she confirmed I’d like a sliver. Thats how authentic it was.

It tasted a bit like mince pies. Like the spicing and flavouring. The consistency was mushy. It was a strange combination. At times I wasn’t into it, but the bits with the cream in were particularly good.

Would I eat it again? Probably with more cream
Would I make it for Come Dine With me? No
Would I serve it to a child? Yes, and tell them it was made of candy (suckers)
Overall score: 5/10

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Things that happened in life #1

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